Lessons from Dad
June 20th, 2010
I got to spend a lot of time with my father growing up on a farm and during the 20 years we were partners in business. I learned a lot from my dad over the years. I learned from the things he said and from observing his life. The observation taught me both how to live my life and how I wanted my life to be different from his. The advice, which he freely gave, included some good advice and some that I chose to not follow. I have no regrets from how I handled either.
Mostly, my dad’s way of teaching was to tell me and my siblings what he wanted done and left us to figure out how to do it. Many of the things we were told to do on the farm were things that were new to my dad as well. When we started in business together, he was as inexperienced as I was. He taught me to read blueprints and gave me the task of being the construction estimator. He gave me the title of manager and left it up to me to learn to manage. It was frustrating and I hated it sometimes, but I learned far more than if I had been given a complete manual on each task. I would have hated that a lot more. After a while, I didn’t need to be pointed in a direction to get things done. I suggested we move the business in a direction and if we agreed, I did what was needed to make it work.
While I was doing the tasks that I became good at, my dad was doing the things he enjoyed. He worked hard and expected everyone else to also. He set high expectations and he wasn’t shy about expressing his disapproval of less than desired results. I learned to be tactful and considerate from seeing and feeling how that behavior was ineffective.
With his family, my father could be the most loving and supportive parent sometimes and at other times, be cruel, mean and belligerent. I could never understand how he could be totally different people at different times. I just knew that wasn’t how I wanted to be. I still wonder how he felt about his life. I loved my dad. I accepted him as he was. I became very introspective because I wanted to understand myself and the choices I made in contrast to how he lived. I became more accepting of other people’s life choices and less judgmental because of the need to accept his.
I know that my life as a father has been and will continue to be a learning experience for my children. They will see and think about how I have lived my life as well as the things I have said. Many of the choices I make are made for how they will appear to my family. I am very proud of the adults my children have become. I admire their differences from each other and from me. I also see the things they do and the way they act that is because of my life and words. They are teaching me lessons now as they have all their lives. If things work out as they should, we learn more from our children after they grow up than we taught them. We get to see how life is supposed to be lived. That’s what I think.
Published in the Harper County Herald in my column I Wonder, and republished here with permission.
Filed under: Philosophy, Stan Weddle, culture, life, parenting, personal responsibility, self-improvement | No Comments »
Sports and Me
April 30th, 2010
Horse races are my favorite spectator sport. In five minutes you can watch the horses load into the gates, run the race and find out the winners. I don’t have enough patience or interest in professional team sports with their celebrity culture and fan rivalries. I love participatory sports and watching friends and family participate in tough displays of skill and determination.
I don’t overuse sports metaphors either, but I have to say, the remodel dust and pollen have had me on the ropes for the last three weeks. Finally some relief through the prescription steroids. I understand why the professional athletes want to use them-they work! I feel almost like working today.
Filed under: Health and Fitness, Stan Weddle, culture, life | No Comments »