A Fresh Start
April 11th, 2010
A Fresh Start by Stan Weddle
With the hint of spring around the corner, I have the urge to begin cleaning and preparing for warm weather. It’s too wet and chilly to start serious yard work, so I’ve been straightening and cleaning indoors. I’ve been reviewing old files and notebooks to see what I can put in long term storage and what I can discard now. I found boxes of old notebooks and journals that I started years ago in which I faithfully wrote my thoughts and ideas and plans for a few weeks, or months, or days, and then abandoned. I suppose I got too busy to keep at the writing or some other reason. When I later decided to start again, instead of using an old book, I started in a fresh, new one. I suppose I didn’t want to see the reminder that I had failed to be persistent in the past. There is something about a new page that gives hope and excitement.
The beginning pages of several of the journals were very similar. I would lament my current feelings and status and list the things I planned to do to change my circumstances. Year after year I would list the same things because I had either failed to make the corrections in my life, or they were incomplete. Maybe the action I planned didn’t bring the result I expected. I never gave up in my desire for self improvement. I eventually made changes that have brought about a more satisfactory life. I began forgiving myself for being less than perfect. I allowed myself to have a fresh start.
I am still my harshest critic. I still expect a lot of myself. I truly am improving. The biggest change in my life came about when I became able to see that my own happiness and satisfaction came from within. Whatever others did, or didn’t do, was not responsible for my well-being. It is liberating for me, as well as others around me, that I can accept whatever happens as “just alright.” I’m still working on it, but I’m getting there.
I insist on keeping the commitments I make. I have overcome the old habit of being late for meetings and appointments. When I was younger, I scheduled far too many things every day. When I was running late from one appointment, I would call ahead and inform my next appointment that I would be late. Often I would have to cancel or reschedule. I was able to maintain a good relationship with my business associates, but it was stressful for everyone. I now have developed the habit of allowing plenty of time for driving. I usually arrive early enough that I can relax and prepare for whatever is on hand to do. I don’t see how I did it before.
Another important change is the acceptance that I have limitations. I can only work so many hours in a day. I accept that I can be happy with less. I don’t need to go everywhere and do everything or have everything. I try to do better with fewer activities. I have simplified my lifestyle and my activities. I have more satisfaction than when I was constantly busy. I plan to do even fewer things this year than last. I plan to enjoy it more. If that doesn’t keep me happy, I’ll make a fresh start. Of course, I’ll use a new notebook in which to write about it. I hope to continue to learn new ways to simplify and refine my habits so that I’m happier with myself and my life. I love spring. I love new beginnings. I love a fresh start.
Previously published in the Harper County Herald in my weekly column, I Wonder…, and published here with permission.
Filed under: Philosophy, Writing, personal responsibility, self-improvement